Just Another Day
In ancient Rome gladiators awaited thumbs up or down gestures that would determine life or death. Contrary to conventional lore, thumbs down signaled swords down, signifying that the losing gladiator was more valuable alive, than dead. He would live to fight another day.
And, so it is for large turkeys this year. Their worries about showing up as Norman Rockwell-like Thanksgiving dinners are over. Former turkey heavy weights, once seen as crown jewels of dining room tables, are relieved- knives down. Many are using their wings to wipe sweat from their proverbial brows. Their lives have been spared. With fewer family celebrations, they have been replaced with smaller birds, or people just going the vegetarian route.
But this year, it took a pandemic, not a presidential pardon, to spare the lives of big birds. The tradition of Presidential clemency, pardons or reprieves dates back to Abraham Lincoln. Generous farmers presented turkeys as gifts to the White House for Thanksgiving celebrations. But the first image of a leashed pet turkey in the Rose Garden led to Presidential pardons to avoid seeing these birds under silver domed platters in the State Dining Room. Many of us recall the fifteen minutes of fame of Tater and Tot, Mac and Cheese, or Peas and Carrots, many of whom continue to live quietly on farms or in turkey heaven.
Just like turkeys, humans have byes this year for Thanksgiving. By rejecting large traditional gatherings, we are choosing the health, safety, and survival of our families. This was a Sophie’s choice- intellectually the right decision, but not emotionally easy to accept.
But gratefulness is not determined by the size of the turkey or the number of people at the table. Dining room tables that extend from one room to another, the mixture of smells of cherry or hickory wood burning in fireplaces, roasting turkeys, root vegetables, and baked pumpkin, pecan, and apple pies must remain seared in our memories until next year.
Virtual gatherings and toasts may feel contrived, but they may take the pressure off the need to create the picture-perfect turkey, making travel arrangements, long trips through the river and woods to grandmas, or worrying about possible political explosions at the dinner table.
Instead, we will spend the day in our pajamas and settling for a small chicken, packing up take-out meals for loved ones who will drive by, pick up their portion of a non-traditional dinner, and who will eat alone in their apartments. One does not have to deal with the effects of tryptophan or extra helpings of mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, and slivers of pies. It will be easier to deal with the number on our scales in the morning.
One-day celebrations of Mother’s Day or Father’s Day are superficial ways of acknowledging, what should be, daily or year-long expressions of appreciation. Thanksgiving does not have to be another one-off holiday. There are ways to prepare for happier, more meaningful and fulfilling opportunities to give thanks.
For some of us we can be thankful that this administration is coming to a slow, albeit, drip, drip, drip end. We can be grateful that the people who have invaded our thoughts, airwaves, and print for the past four years will no longer be part of our lives. We can be assured that they will not crash next year’s holiday. They will move on and so will we.
We can be grateful for our health, families, homes, and jobs, and offer help and prayers for those less fortunate. We will strive to be sensitive to, and understand, that many of our friends and relatives have not shared our perspectives. But it is time to take steps to heal a divided, tribal nation and find the good that we once saw in one another.
We have choices to make- we can continue to live in fear, anxiety, or negativity, or put those thoughts to rest and seek positive outcomes. Many of us are running low on reserves and have to work harder to find silver linings; it may take some creativity to increase happiness, and reduce our current feelings of sadness, isolation, depression, stress, and anxiety.
Thinking about, or actually reaching out to, long-lost friends or family members may lead to positive thoughts and the lifting of our spirits. Phone, email, text, or even snail mail the important people in our lives. Or, keep a journal of reflections and experiences and how they made you feel. I‘s a good time to hold our friends and family, in our hearts and minds, just a little bit closer.
Turning negatives into positives helps. Expressing gratefulness starts long before the designated holiday and the effects can be long-lasting. Studies show that showing gratitude leads to better health, sleep, and increased happiness.
Activating happy hormones and neurotransmitters leads to improved mood, promotes general well-being, and triggers pleasure, joy, bonding, and trust. Include all of your senses- the sounds of the ocean, the visual of a sun or moonrise, the feel of warm sand under your feet while searching for seaglass, the smell of the air on a mountaintop, or the taste of first snowflakes as they fall on our tongues.
The journalist AJ Jacobs may have opened our eyes to extreme gratefulness. In his book, Thanks a Thousand, he shares his world-wide Gratitude Project to thank every person involved in creating his morning cup of coffee- from his local barista to the Columbian coffee growers, and everyone along the way. Although many of us do not have the time or resources to take this journey, we can rely on Jacobs’ experiences to expand our understanding of showing gratitude, and its effects on others and ourselves.
Maybe on this first pandemic holiday season we can put aside our disappointments and sadness and take the first steps toward forgiveness and gratefulness. Increasing our own inner strength, may lead to greater personal satisfaction, and happiness.
As my grandmother would say, “Thanks for coming and thanks for going.” This year we are neither coming nor going but we will make it the best day for giving thanks!
